Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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