Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
