what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
