why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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