Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
