Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
