Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
