That's intense
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
