how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
