I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
