I think I died a long time ago.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
