What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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