My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
