he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
