and you said cock pushups were impossible
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
