Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
