I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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