I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
