I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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