sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize