if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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