I hate all girls vehemently.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The air was thick with penises
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
