So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
