I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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