Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
