My Higher Power is John Stamos
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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