my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
