I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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