it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
