She's JV to your varsity
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
