I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
