just come out here and I will go home with you...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
