yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
