What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Come on in and take your pants off
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