It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
