apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
