My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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