38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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