Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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