Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I didn't shave. On purpose
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
