I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
