so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
