eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
