and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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