you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
