Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
