drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
