You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
