my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
