i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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