When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
