I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
