Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
