DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
