Soap is not a condiment
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
