Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
