My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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