I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
