Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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