I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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