I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
