she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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