i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Randomize
