The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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