He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
