im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
