I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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