She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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