If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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