Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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